Nightmares

Sisters are always supposed to stick together. At least, that’s what everyone tells me. We need to be strong for the younger sister and make sure that she gets what she needs, or we can spoil them and treat them like little princesses. That’s how I always choose to act around my little sister. I love her to bits, I can’t imagine a world without her.

Until one day that is. I got the call while I was at work; my sister had had a stroke and was now at the hospital getting emergency medical treatment. I rushed over right away, barely pausing to let my boss know what had happened and I barely saw him give a small nod as I rushed out the door and into my car. All I could think about was her, praying that she would alright and I would get there in time.

I walked into the room in which she would be residing for a short time. She was lying so still and she looked so pale on that white hospital bed surrounded by white hospital walls and nothing but tubes hanging off and around her. She looked so … helpless. So afraid and unsure, even if she was sleeping, there was still that aura of uncertainty about her. I stood in the doorway for a moment, just watching her, before my legs began moving on their own and they led me to her bedside. I reached down, caressing her face and eventually grabbing lightly onto one of her hands. I squeezed her hand gently, taking care not to disturb the tube reaching outwards from the back of her hand and into a drip bag.
Tears began to stream down from my eyes and roll down my face, causing little drops to fall onto the sheets of her bed. I was wishing for her to wake up and tell me that this was another one of her pranks. That she was going to be alright and nothing like this would ever happen in the future. But, how could she promise me that? How long would she in here for? How long would she stay asleep like that? These were all questions I could not answer. I doubted that even the doctor would be able to. Every patient was different, right? Perhaps she would be okay after all.

“J-Jenna?”

The voice broke through my thoughts and tears, and I looked down to see my little sister looking up at me. Her pale face was covered with confusion and I lifted a hand to wipe away my tears and reached down to run my fingers through her hair.

“Sshhhh. You’re not recovered yet. It’s all good. Before you know it, you’ll be out and we can head over to that restaurant you like and get some food. Sound good?”

“You mean Denny’s?”

“Yea, that’s the one. Look, I’ll stay here with you if you want today, but then I have to head home. I’ll be back tomorrow after work, alright?”

She nodded, somewhat weakly and I sat down on the bed beside her, my heart relieved; she was alright.

But then, a month or two later….

I was on my way to visit with an old friend; someone who I had not seen in a long time. The drive to her house was long, and I was listening to a soft and slow classical music station. The music was putting me to sleep, so I reached over and turned the station to one that was more of an upbeat “Top Hits” station. One that would have next to every kind of genre playing. This music I would often find would help me to focus on what I was doing and help me stay alert when driving. To my absolute joy, this station would also have traffic updates, and that would be helpful; as she lived quite a ways away from me, and it on a good day it would take me about a half hour to reach her house. But on days like this, where there was no break in traffic, who knew how long the trip would take?

Eventually, I was forced to call my friend and inform her of the road conditions and that I was going to be later than we had planned. I apologized to her, but she brushed it off, telling me that it was alright, she understood how bad traffic could get on days like this. I thanked her, hung up the phone then grew silent as the traffic update came on over the radio.

“And now, for the traffic updates. On 73rd Boutington Avenue, a three vehicle collision. Medical personal are arriving on scene to help with the rescue efforts.”

Another collision, nothing new.

“And on…”

I heard nothing more as I glanced out the passenger window to see if there was any way I could get around this horrid traffic. Instead, I was met with the sight of billowing smoke and a familiar car, just a couple of blocks over. My heart skipped a beat. Somehow, I had an idea of whose car that was. An instant later, I saw my chance to park my car in the parking lot of a local grocery store and see just who that car belonged to. I had to make sure. I just had to.

I began my way over to the car, before something about it hit me. There was no other car that had that dent in the door (from the time when she had been “tapped” by another car) and that scrape when she had been looking for her keys and fell into the car itself. My breath caught. And suddenly, time seemed to slow as I ran across the road towards the burning car, my eyes wide with fear, my heart hammering in my chest. A scream came from somewhere or from someone. I might have come from my own throat but I was too dazed and confused to tell.

I reached the burning car, shoving my way through the quickly gathering crowd. It was her car, I just knew it. But she had just gotten out of the hospital; she wasn’t supposed to be driving! She was supposed to be home resting. Recovering, not out and doing reckless things like this. What had she been doing? Why had this happened?!

Reaching the source of the flames, I looked on in horror as something else began to burn, and the flames were too intense to see inside of the burning car. Flames licked out of each and every window, black smoke curling out of… somewhere. I couldn’t tell. I could feel the tears begin to well up inside of my eyes. They threatened to spill out. I couldn’t let them, not yet. Not yet.
My sister, my dear, dear sister.

She wasn’t in there was she? She always had been too impatient and too reckless. Never waiting for as long as she was supposed to, never listening. Too impulsive. But those were some of the traits I loved about her. And now, here I was, standing in front of her burning car. Was she really being taken away from me? I couldn’t stand it, I fell to my knees, wasn’t it my job as her older sister to watch out for her and to protect her? Did I fail at that? She was my sister! How- WHY did she have to die?!

The tears began rolling down my cheeks, my vision became blurry. My cheeks were hot from the intense heat radiating from her car. There was no possible way that she could have survived. Sirens were heard in the distance, but they barely registered in my mind. Any moment they could be putting out the fire which was burning my sister, and I probably wouldn’t even notice them. It felt like a dream. A horrible, horrible dream, and I just wanted to wake up and hold her close. Only, this wasn’t a dream.

Realization seemed to set in for the first time; she was dying, if not already dead. Gone, forever. I didn’t hear any screams that should have been coming from the burning wreckage, there was nothing. No matter how hard I strained to hear them, nothing. Emptiness. The only sounds that reached my ears was the crackling fire and my own sobs.

I wanted to believe that she was alive, but I knew better.

My imagination took over, and through my bleary eyes, it was as if my sister was standing amongst the flames, smiling at me. She held out a hand and gestured to me. What did she want? Did she want me to join her? She was crazy, I would die! Yet, I wanted to. I wanted to walk into that searing heat and take her ghostly hand. To feel her skin and tell her that everything was going to be alright. We would get through this, together.

I reached out a hand to her form. Take me with you. Was all I could think. Without giving it a second thought, I began to crawl forwards. Towards her, towards my sister. Hands grabbed me, pulled me away. What were they doing? I had to get to her! I wanted to touch her face, see her smile. I began to struggle. But the hands refused to let me move further towards the fire. My sister.

I was trembling, I wanted to fight! Why wouldn’t they let me see her? Couldn’t they see that she was alright? She wasn’t burning! She was fine! Just let me near her! Please!! But… wait. It wasn’t true, was it? Was this really reality? Her standing amongst the flames and smiling encouragingly at me? No, she was dead wasn’t she? Tears fell from my eyes faster and faster. I covered my face with my hands, whispering, “I’m sorry.” Over, and over.